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WINNER
By the Veiling of the Sun
You asked me once if I was truly happy.
My dear child.
There are many things I want you to comprehend.
Life is short.
A cliché sentence that has been is widely used on accounts that are inappropriate and thus, has been reduced to merely, YOLO. In many ways the usage of ‘you only live once’ nowadays, does not convey the message. ‘Life is short’ is a sentence that evokes thoughts that enable us to transcend into a more philosophical view of life. It is a risk that we are taking, using phrases for granted, neglecting its true meaning, do you understand?
Can I expect you to understand?
You are still young.
But your life is used and, I hope not wasted.
This is why such risks in this world should not be attempted, or so they say. Such risks could result in disastrous outcomes, and not to mention the impact of the aftermath. Which means a portion of life sacrificed to endure a punishment in exchange for a period of enjoyment. We now turn our attentions to whether that lapse of time is worth the risk.
My child, the happiness we receive during a span of time, you will find, that it is not easily shaken once bestowed. It is a risk to indulge, the simplest of risks but one without a doubt. These moments we keep above all interruptions as memories. No matter what happens, happiness when granted is forever secured and we do not think less of it in the time to come. Within any moment in life, we do as we are told, know that. We do as we imagine right however the delights that greet us we cannot foresee. Some occurrences may fade away from us out of memory and time but do we remember the smiles? I am certain that I remember yours. To our feelings during any significant time at all, it is extended, never-ending like sand in an hourglass that flows into a bottomless chasm.
An eternity to what we are doing.
It is only when we glance back upon the time spent will we realise that the activity we just engaged in was just a part of a long strand of history that travels back to an inevitable beginning. It also draws ahead into the days that have not yet come. How precious are the memoirs of the hours handled but how small as well. Everything we do is a risk, I hope you realise that.
Live in the moment, child.
No.
Live in the moment and store it in the safest recesses of your mind.
You see a glint of sun shimmering of the grass and you followed it because you were intrigued by the way the rays are casted upon specially selected patches of grass. Do you know that this is the product of the tree loomed over you? No. You are carefree, never seeking explanations. Idly you pick yourself up. I can tell that you will allow the alluring of nature to overcome you.
“No wandering into the wild alone,” I had obstructed you one day…so you are choosing to defy me?
It seems as if you have made your choice. You notice how the showers of sun alters the shade of green in the leaves. Not minding the shards of the sun that would otherwise pierce your eyes, you welcomed it into your world.
Just as I did once.
Starting at a little pat of the feet you jump to touch a branch. You are not able to now but you will very soon my dear, very soon. The cold wind of early autumn caress your face while it mingled with your laughter, along with it your legs moved faster into rhythm. The same rhythm as the swooping birds. All the colours in your world slides into one another with ease in your vision. Greens into blues, reds into browns , who knows what other pigments you saw. With it you run like blown dandelions, drifting to no specific destination. Why do you run so? Gusts of air play in your tresses whipping then upwards. In your ears I am sure the wind howled but only if you had the heart to stop would you know that the wind never howls. I was captivated with this image.
I think I now finally grasp the fruit of my risk. I risked bringing you into this world. What if I could not raise you up the proper way? Despite how agitated I felt, you arrived safely but more importantly you laughed. In that instant I changed from a woman facing emptiness to being filled with purpose and my wistfulness diminished.
I want you to be happy but I wonder if, in your small eyes you saw that your happiness is stemmed from a risk? You ask me if I am happy. For you I am happy. I was happy ever since that fateful day I saw you run into the veiling of the sun.
By Pornvarath Komolrochanaporn (Frang)
RUNNER UP
Taking Risks
It’s snowing here. It always snows on my birthday. I’m turning 9 tomorrow. I’ve always wanted a dog .Every year when I ask my dad for a dog he says, “In your dreams’’.
I’ve dreamt about dogs forever, about dogs sleeping on my feet, a pack of dogs sleeping on me as a blanket.
“You can’t have a dog because, you know they leave paw prints all over the floor, the beds, the tables!’’
“You still can’t have a dog because it’s going to eat all of our money. A dog? In your dreams!’’. He always refuses. Never a yes.
It’s 6 a.m., I look out the window and the garden is like a flat, white piece of paper. “Time for school!’’ my dad barks and growls. I look out the window again and see a pack of little holes in the snow, heading from the gate to the half open door of the shed – my dad’s shed. They look too big for bird prints, not squirrel and not the neighbor’s cat because it’s too lazy and too fat to climb over the fence. As quick as a road runner, I get dressed and woosh downstairs. I’m not rushing so that I can go to school on time, I’m rushing so that I can go out and see what is in the shed.
I take my first step on to the flat white piece of paper and my foot crackles down into the snow. The wind starts to whine around the house. I wish I had the dog pack blanket wrapped around me just like the one in my dream. I’m about to go back inside the house to get my scarf, but curiosity is driving me out and into the snow. I follow the line of dalmatian spot prints into the shed.
“Hello? Is anyone in here?” , no answer. “Excuse me, if there is anyone in here? You’re taking a risk because my dad is going to be angry.’’ I hear tapping from the dark corner, like a metronome beating fast. I start creeping towards the sound. I’m scared that it might be a ghost or the monster from under my bed. I find the source of the sound. It’s a box. I move it with my foot and I see a furry, brown neck tie wagging around. Next I see a black muzzle and the pointy ears of a German Shepard pup. I’m staring at it as if it was a ghost. It doesn’t have a collar or a lead. It jumps and licks me like I’m a giant lollypop.
I should keep it. Can I keep it? What do I do? But dad will say no. But I can’t just leave it in the shed, it will die in the cold. But dad will just dump it out of the house. But I can’t leave it here; I’ll take a risk.
“Here boy!” “come on!”, it follows to the door and suddenly stops. It’s afraid of the snow. It yips and yelps when it pokes the cold ground with it’s nose. I’ll pick him up. He feels as heavy as a birthday cake, but I still have to carry him to my room. Ew! He smells like a rotten sponge!
Slowly and quietly I tip toe inside with the dog, feeling like I’m falling off a 500m cliff. Careful as a surgeon I walk up the stairs, trying not to collapse backwards. This reminds me of climbing the high ropes on my last school trip. I feel I’m climbing to a rocky summit, and then I reach the very top of the stairs. The dog jumps from my arms and blasts into my room. Trouble! Did dad hear that? I gust into the room and close the door quietly. I’m waiting for his shout but I don’t hear anything except the sound of the dog tearing my bedsheets. “My dad is going to kill me!”.
“Hey, get out of my house!”, thunders my dad! Oh no, he knows my secret! The dog starts to bark ad growl like an arctic wolf. “Shush!” I hiss. It won’t stop barking! “Get out of here! Get out of here! Help! ” Wait, but he can’t know it’s here, there’s something wrong! I rip open the door to see what is going on with my dad, but the dog rushes out of my room and down the stairs. I take off after the black muzzled beast which disappears into the living room. I follow.
My dad is still shouting, but he isn’t shouting at the dog. I’m standing as still as a slug while he is struggling with a man wearing a black balaclava. The dog rushes like lighting and claws the man’s arm. It bites his leg. The mystery man screams furiously and my dad kicks him as he is struggling to get his leg out of the dog’s mouth. He trips and falls towards the door. He clumsily crashes out and falls faces down in the snow. He then gets up and runs away.
“ Dad, Dad are you ok? What’s going on?”He doesn’t answer. He is looking at the dog and the dog is staring back. “Where did this dog come from?” Dad looks confused.
“I found him in the shed. Can we keep him?”
“No, we can’t keep it”
“But it just saved your life”
The dog proudly comes and puts its paw up to shake hands.
“Can we keep him?”
“But I’ve always said…”
“But dad he saved your life!”
Dad looks confused, and his face starts to melt into kindness. “What’s his name?”
“His name is Risk”
“Well, ok then, maybe we should take a risk. Happy Birthday!”
by Katrina Cobain Y7SB
RUNNER UP
Adventures in Africa
So THIS is one of Earth’s seven natural wonders – the mighty Victoria Falls, on the Zambezi River which borders Zambia and Zimbabwe.
There I stood gaping in wonder on the Zambian side of the Falls. The roar of the water filled my ears. There was no need for any conversation.
I was anxious to see the Devil’s Armchair, a natural infinity pool that sits on the lip of the Victoria Falls over 100m high, but the only way to get there would be to cross the border illegally into Zimbabwe then find someone local to guide me.
For hours, I tracked through streams, shallow rapids and waded against strong currents. In the end, I would have no alternative but to leap off a cliff straight into the pool. Exhausted, excited yet fearful of getting caught, I closed my eyes, held my breath and jumped!
It seemed as though time stopped and I was suspended midair. Moments later, I sat contemplating the risks I took to get here, just inches away from torrents of cascading water. It was exhilarating! I never felt more alive and I would do it all again.
I was certain nothing else could ever exceed this experience, but I was wrong.
As the glow of sunset enveloped the campsite, I sat under a Baobab tree eagerly waiting for darkness to approach. It seemed to take forever.
When the last hue of yellow disappeared behind the horizon, I stomped out the campfire, hastily gathered my belongings and made tracks for Nunu – my trusty 4 X 4. It was time.
Time for a 2 hour drive through the African bush in Botswana to the famed Makgadikgadi salt pan.
I read that the pan is all that remains from the enormous Lake Makgadikgadi which once covered an area larger than Switzerland, but dried up many thousands of years ago.
I knew that navigating the bush and visiting the salt pan without a guide was dangerous and illegal. Night visits were strictly prohibited. There were no roads. Only the sounds of the wilderness, the smell of the jungle and a thick cocoon of darkness that sent my pulses racing.
Nunu bashed through the treacherous terrain. Headlights struggling against the dark, she seemed to groan as she crunched her way through the dry, bumpy under growth, stopping abruptly to avoid the odd mud hut, wild dog, leopard or other creatures of the night.
“Please God, don’t let Nunu fail me now or no one will know to come to my rescue”.
That’s when I spotted the bull elephant with legs the size of tree trunks. I knew that elephants foraged more than 14 hours a day eating as much as 300 kg of food and drinking over 150 liters of water. I stopped so as not to disturb it. I was cautious yet fascinated being this close to the world’s largest land mammal. When I thought it had finished eating, I tried to ease Nunu away from a safe distance. I was so focused on the bull elephant I accidentally startled the mother and her calf elephant hidden in the bush. The bull elephant started charging, its tusks aimed directly at Nunu, the ground shaking from its heavy pursuit. I hit the accelerator so hard Nunu surged forward like a rocket. I never stopped to look back.
Thankfully, it wasn’t long after that I felt the ground beneath me change as I charged past the scattered bush and onto the hard, dry, barren salt pan. All sight and sound of the wilderness ceased. The only sounds left were the roar of Nunu’s engine and that of my heart still pounding from a mixture of fear and excitement.
I needed to catch my breath so I finally brought Nunu to a halt in the middle of nowhere. The silence was deafening as I observed the vastness of the salt pan. When my feet touched the ground, I suddenly felt small and insignificant. The view took my breath away. I was no longer of this earth but could reach out and touch the Milky Way. I felt like I was living among the countless millions of stars – above me, around me and reflected beneath me. Space was tangible.
I stood awestruck and momentarily forgot the cold. As I turned to admire the view from every direction, my skin tingled and I could see the warm vapour of my breath. Senses heightened, I started to shiver from the cold and possibly from the fear of getting caught by the police. If I was found, I knew I would be fined a great deal of money, or worse, sent to an African prison.
I knelt beside Nunu and lit a small fire for warmth. I would sleep among the stars tonight, be at one with the universe and dream of the constellations.
Then suddenly, from just above the horizon, I spotted a tiny red dot that appeared among the stars. It seemed to be approaching, slowly but steadily.
My first thought was
“Police, they’ve found me! Quick, get in the car. Leave. Now!”
I looked again at the unfamiliar red dot and it seemed to be growing in size.
“Whatever could it be?”
I scampered onto the top of Nunu to get a better view, my eyes transfixed by the blood red dot. The dot continued to grow larger and larger. I watched it creep above the horizon and muscle its way through the blanket of stars. Soon, it became obvious what it was. The dot, now a perfect sphere, shed its blood red coat and took its throne high in the sky. It was the Moon, illuminating the night sky in all its glory. I fell back onto the ground speechless.
For such surreal once in a lifetime experiences in Africa, it was definitely worth TAKING RISKS!
Lauren Storah 7AT
YA fiction has become a fixture at the top of the bestseller lists. Children’s literature expert Daniel Hahn recommends eight novels that adults also should read
Looking for the widest audience: Neil Gaiman Photograph: Murdo Macleod/Murdo Macleod
Daniel Hahn The Guardian
What do my chosen books have in common? Well, in each case, somebody at some point has decided they are “young adult” books. As often as not, this person isn’t the writer. The category does have some meaning and some usefulness, of course; books that teenagers enjoy do often have certain congruences of perspective or theme. But the boundary is porous. Books are wayward things, and the good ones, the ones that are really alive with that energy that seems to detonate in your brain as you read, aren’t so easily contained.
Douglas Adams made me a writer: Neil Gaiman salutes his friend and inspiration
Paying tribute to his genius at the annual Douglas Adams lecture, writer explains how meeting the Hitchhiker’s Guide author at 22 changed his life
As I’ve been compiling a new companion to children’s literature, I’ve been thinking a lot about the limits of this category – and I’ve read so much about what we call “crossover books”, books with appeal both to teenagers and adult readers. Yes, we all know that vampire stories and teen cancer romances have sold in vast numbers on both sides of that imaginary dividing line. But the crossover book has encompassed writing of great sophistication and ambition, too. For every Twilight there is a Pullman; the young adult category contains plenty of pulp and plenty of fine writing – as any spurious category will. It contains work that is derivative, shallow and lazy, to be sure, and writing that is urgent and bold and experimental and complex, just like the adult market. The best of it can be fantasy (dystopian, sometimes) or realism (gritty, perhaps, but not necessarily so); it can be genre-based writing or uncategorisable, funny or profoundly serious, cool or lyrical, domestic and quiet or virtuosic and surreal.
Young adult writing today contains everything. The worst of it is as limited as any bad writing, the best could thrill any readers willing to put themselves in the hands of expert storytellers and great writers. Readers, that is, of any age. Hundreds of superb novels have been published for young adult readers. Here are just eight of them.
Revolver: Marcus Sedgwick (Orion)
Sedgwick has written across the age ranges, from children to adults, but it is his dark and atmospheric YA-branded work that best shows off what he can do. In Revolver, all his skill is compacted into something small and potent, controlled and devastating. As it begins, 100 miles north of the Arctic Circle, in 1910, 15-year-old Sig discovers his father’s corpse; but how did he die? The arrival of a threatening stranger forces Sig to investigate his parents’ past and confronts him with big questions about his own future. Set over just a couple of days, Sedgwick’s spare, crisply written narrative flips between the past and recent present, but the tension never disappears, and as he creates this most hostile of environments, it’s impossible not to be drawn in.
The White Darkness: Geraldine McCaughrean (Oxford)
From the Arctic to the Antarctic, with the incomparable McCaughrean. I don’t know many writers of any kind who have her apparently effortless consistency. Her books are always a thrilling read, with intricate plotting, characters you instantly feel you know personally and utterly beautiful writing; The White Darkness is no exception. It’s the story of awkward teenager Sym (who is in love with the very-long-dead Captain Oates) and her “uncle” and their lunatic mission to the Antarctic. Things surely can’t end well … The book is dark, clever, and menacing, and, if you’ve never read McCaughrean before, you’re about to make a glorious discovery.
Kit’s Wilderness: David Almond (Hachette Kids Hodder)
Skellig may be better known, but I think the book that followed is Almond’s masterpiece: Kit’s Wilderness is one of those rare works that changes how we see the world. Kit Watson moves to the Northumberland town where his grandfather lives, and there he befriends new classmate Allie Keenan, and meets a strange, wild boy called John Askew, who plays a game called Death. With the delicate, dark beauty that characterises so much of Almond’s work, Kit’s Wilderness explores things beneath the surface, suffused with death and menace, and the spirits of the past, but this is a wilderness that is full of beauty and things that are precious, too.
Henry Tumour: Anthony McGowan (Random House)
This is one teen cancer book among many, but truly it’s not like any other you may have come across. For one thing, it’s funny – grimly, hilariously so. For another, in this book the eponymous brain tumour talks. The schoolboy afflicted with this unusual predicament is nerdy Hector, who has to decide whether or not to take the outspoken, anarchic tumour’s advice as he finds his feet in the world, and has a lot of decisions to make before the surgeons get to work on them both. Original, smart and gripping, Henry Tumour breaks all kinds of rules, and does it with irresistible brio.
The Graveyard Book: Neil Gaiman (Bloomsbury)
Perhaps this isn’t a young adult book. Really, who is to say? It won the Booktrust teenage prize, and as far as I recall, the judges – I was one of them – had no category anxiety; we just knew it was something that needed to be read. It is one of those books that gives you a whole world – small and wonderful – which is entrancing for eight chapters, and which you feel very sorry to leave. It is set, as the title suggests, in a graveyard, where young Bod (short for “Nobody”) makes his home after his parents are murdered. Bod finds himself a new family and new friends – most of them long dead – a set-up that allows Gaiman’s macabre imagination to run wild. Along with the great characters and friendships, there is a gripping story – episodic with echoes of The Jungle Book – some delightful humour, and, as a bonus, a set of typically superb black-and-white illustrations, by Chris Riddell or Dave McKean, depending on your preferred edition.
Chaos Walking trilogy: Patrick Ness (Walker)
For ambition and scale, this highly accomplished trilogy is hard to beat. The opening volume, The Knife of Never Letting Go, introduces us to Todd Hewitt, who lives in a place where there are no women, and where the thoughts of every man can be heard all the time (this is called Noise). Todd meets a girl, Viola, and they go on the run. Tensions build as a great battle breaks out between two factions, with Todd and Viola forced into involvement on opposing sides. The war explodes in scale and complexity, and stakes rise before a thrilling and satisfying conclusion to the series. The story is excitingly paced and has a cast of engaging characters, but taken together, the trilogy is also a complex study of responsibility, difference, maturity and power.
A Swift Pure Cry: Siobhan Dowd (Random House)
This debut introduces the small-town community of Coolbar in mid-80s Ireland, where we meet Shell and her young siblings. Dowd was a writer of immense sympathy and insight, and in A Swift Pure Cry she takes Shell, and her reader, on a journey. Many people assume young adult fiction will always be heavy on issues, and there are some big ones in this book, which tackles faith and death, but the questions are born out of, and always in the service of, the story and characterisation. A Swift Pure Cry is never wilfully bleak, never heavy-handed, never moralistic. A fine piece of writing.
Life: An Exploded Diagram: Mal Peet (Walker)
With its displays of profound affection and pin-sharp humour, Mal Peet’s Life is one of the best books I know
When Peet died three weeks ago at the age of 67, the children’s book world was shaken and bereft. Few adult readers, however, will yet have discovered just how much they’ve lost. As with so many of Peet’s supposedly young adult books, Life: An Exploded Diagram is more than that: it’s a great novel of growing up and the delicious immediacy of teenage experience, but with a broad historical sweep and nostalgia, too. Partly autobiographical, it captures the experiences of Norfolk lad Clem Ackroyd against the backdrop of the Cuban missile crisis and imminent Armageddon. It is a sophisticated coming-of-age story, full of intelligence and compassion. It displays profound affection, pin-sharp humour and acrobatic leaps in chronology and scale – there’s even a religious cult. Life is – in short – one of the best books I know. Time to find out what you’ve been missing. • The Oxford Companion to Children’s Literature is published by OUP.
Fusion 5
Five years ago, around 10 of us were sat on the Memorial Hall stage after school when Mr. Fry told us the name of the new production – ‘Fusion’. I never thought it would still be continuing 5 years on. In the first few years, I accompanied around 5 different acts. This usually meant playing a random instrument at the back whilst someone else shone at the front. For me,’ Fusion’ isn’t about showcasing your own talent, it’s more about being able to do something with your friends and work as a team. This year, as ‘Fusion’ came to a close, I realised that I was satisfied. I was satisfied because I had been able to perform with the people I wanted to perform with, sharing the stage with the friends I’ll miss when I leave to university. Performing isn’t for everybody, but ‘Fusion’ allows people to be involved in all kinds of weird and wonderful ways, and that’s what makes it different to the other theatre performances you see throughout the year.
My advice to those who want to join ‘Fusion’ is to not let anything get in the way of you enjoying yourself.
(Mr. Grime: I added some extra cheese. You can take it out if you’re lactose intolerant.) Evey
How to write by Stephen King
In our final extract from his new book, On Writing, Stephen King reveals six key rules for writing a bestseller. Take note, as this is your chance to have a story published in the paperback version and to meet the master storyteller himself
I won’t try to convince you that I’ve never plotted any more than I’d try to convince you that I’ve never told a lie, but I do both as infrequently as possible. I distrust plot for two reasons: first, because our lives are largely plotless, even when you add in all our reasonable precautions and careful planning; and second, because I believe plotting and the spontaneity of real creation aren’t compatible.
A strong enough situation renders the whole question of plot moot. The most interesting situations can usually be expressed as a What-if question:
What if vampires invaded a small New England village? (Salem’s Lot).
What if a young mother and her son became trapped in their stalled car by a rabid dog? (Cujo).
These were situations which occurred to me – while showering, while driving, while taking my daily walk – and which I eventually turned into books. In no case were they plotted, not even to the extent of a single note jotted on a single piece of scrap paper.
When a simile or metaphor doesn’t work, the results are sometimes funny and sometimes embarrassing. Recently, I read this sentence in a forthcoming novel I prefer not to name: ‘He sat stolidly beside the corpse, waiting for the medical examiner as patiently as a man waiting for a turkey sandwich.’ If there is a clarifying connection here, I wasn’t able to make it.
My all-time favourite similes come from the hard-boiled-detective fiction of the 40s and 50s, and the literary descendants of the dime-dreadful writers. These favourites include ‘It was darker than a carload of assholes’ (George V Higgins) and ‘I lit a cigarette [that] tasted like a plumber’s handkerchief’ (Raymond Chandler).
It’s dialogue that gives your cast their voices, and is crucial in defining their characters – only what people do tells us more about what they’re like, and talk is sneaky: what people say often conveys their character to others in ways of which they – the speakers – are completely unaware.
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Well-crafted dialogue will indicate if a character is smart or dumb, honest or dishonest, amusing or an old sobersides. Good dialogue, such as that written by George V Higgins, Peter Straub or Graham Greene, is a delight to read; bad dialogue is deadly.
The job boils down to two things: paying attention to how the real people around you behave and then telling the truth about what you see. It’s also important to remember that no one is ‘the bad guy’ or ‘the best friend’ or ‘the whore with a heart of gold’ in real life; in real life we each of us regard ourselves as the main character, the protagonist, the big cheese; the camera is on us , baby. If you can bring this attitude into your fiction, you may not find it easier to create brilliant characters, but it will be harder for you to create the sort of one-dimensional dopes that populate so much pop fiction.
Pace is the speed at which your narrative unfolds. There is a kind of unspoken (hence undefended and unexamined) belief in publishing circles that the most commercially successful stories and novels are fast-paced. Like so many unexamined beliefs in the publishing business, this idea is largely bullshit… which is why, when books like Umberto Eco’s The Name of the Rose suddenly break out of the pack and climb the bestseller lists, publishers and editors are astonished. I suspect that most of them ascribe these books’ unexpected success to unpredictable and deplorable lapses into good taste on the part of the reading public.
I believe each story should be allowed to unfold at its own pace, and that pace is not always double time. Nevertheless, you need to beware – if you slow the pace down too much, even the most patient reader is apt to grow restive.
You may be entranced with what you’re learning about flesh-eating bacteria, the sewer system of New York, or the IQ potential of Collie pups, but your readers are probably going to care a lot more about your characters and your story.
Exceptions to the rule? Sure, aren’t there always? There have been very successful writers – Arthur Hailey and James Michener are the first ones that come to my mind – whose novels rely heavily on fact and research. Other popular writers, such as Tom Clancy and Patricia Cornwell, are more story-oriented, but still deliver large dollops of factual information along with the melodrama. I sometimes think that these writers appeal to a large segment of the reading population who feel that fiction is somehow immoral, a low taste which can only be justified by saying, ‘Well, ahem, yes, I do read [fill in author’s name here], but only on airplanes and in hotel rooms that don’t have CNN; also, I learned a great deal about [fill in appropriate subject here].’
The Observer
Writing Advice: by Chuck Palahniuk
In six seconds, you’ll hate me.
But in six months, you’ll be a better writer.
From this point forward—at least for the next half year—you may not use “thought” verbs. These include: Thinks, Knows, Understands, Realizes, Believes, Wants, Remembers, Imagines, Desires, and a hundred others you love to use.
The list should also include: Loves and Hates.
And it should include: Is and Has, but we’ll get to those later.
Until some time around Christmas, you can’t write: Kenny wondered if Monica didn’t like him going out at night…”
Instead, you’ll have to Un-pack that to something like: “The
mornings after Kenny had stayed out, beyond the last bus, until he’d had to bum a ride or pay for a cab and got home to find Monica faking sleep, faking because she never slept that quiet, those mornings, she’d only put her own cup of coffee in the microwave. Never his.”
Instead of characters knowing anything, you must now present the details that allow the reader to know them. Instead of a character wanting something, you must now describe the thing so that the reader wants it.
Instead of saying: “Adam knew Gwen liked him.” You’ll have to say: “Between classes, Gwen had always leaned on his locker when he’d go to open it. She’s roll her eyes and shove off with one foot, leaving a black-heel mark on the painted metal, but she also left the smell of her perfume. The combination lock would still be warm from her butt. And the next break, Gwen would be leaned there, again.”
In short, no more short-cuts. Only specific sensory detail: action, smell, taste, sound, and feeling.
Typically, writers use these “thought” verbs at the beginning of a paragraph (In this form, you can call them “Thesis Statements” and I’ll rail against those, later). In a way, they state the intention of the paragraph. And what follows, illustrates them.
For example:
“Brenda knew she’d never make the deadline. was backed up from the bridge, past the first eight or nine exits. Her cell phone battery was dead. At home, the dogs would need to go out, or there would be a mess to clean up. Plus, she’d promised to water the plants for her neighbor…”
Do you see how the opening “thesis statement” steals the thunder of what follows? Don’t do it.
If nothing else, cut the opening sentence and place it after all the others. Better yet, transplant it and change it to: Brenda would never make the deadline.
Thinking is abstract. Knowing and believing are intangible. Your story will always be stronger if you just show the physical actions and details of your characters and allow your reader to do the thinking and knowing. And loving and hating.
Don’t tell your reader: “Lisa hated Tom.”
Instead, make your case like a lawyer in court, detail by detail.
Present each piece of evidence. For example: “During roll call, in the breath after the teacher said Tom’s name, in that moment before he could answer, right then, Lisa would whisper-shout ‘Butt Wipe,’ just as Tom was saying, ‘Here’.”
One of the most-common mistakes that beginning writers make is leaving their characters alone. Writing, you may be alone. Reading, your audience may be alone. But your character should spend very, very little time alone. Because a solitary character starts thinking or worrying or wondering.
For example: Waiting for the bus, Mark started to worry about how long the trip would take…”
A better break-down might be: “The schedule said the bus would come by at noon, but Mark’s watch said it was already 11:57. You could see all the way down the road, as far as the Mall, and not see a bus. No doubt, the driver was parked at the turn-around, the far end of the line, taking a nap. The driver was kicked back, asleep, and Mark was going to be late. Or worse, the driver was drinking, and he’d pull up drunk and charge Mark seventy-five cents for death in a fiery traffic accident…”
A character alone must lapse into fantasy or memory, but even then you can’t use “thought” verbs or any of their abstract relatives.
Oh, and you can just forget about using the verbs forget and remember.
No more transitions such as: “Wanda remembered how Nelson used to brush her hair.”
Instead: “Back in their sophomore year, Nelson used to brush her hair with smooth, long strokes of his hand.”
Again, Un-pack. Don’t take short-cuts.
Better yet, get your character with another character, fast.
Get them together and get the action started. Let their actions and words show their thoughts. You—stay out of their heads.
And while you’re avoiding “thought” verbs, be very wary about using the bland verbs “is” and “have.”
For example:
“Ann’s eyes are blue.”
“Ann has blue eyes.”
Versus:
“Ann coughed and waved one hand past her face, clearing the cigarette smoke from her eyes, blue eyes, before she smiled…”
Instead of bland “is” and “has” statements, try burying your details of what a character has or is, in actions or gestures. At its most basic, this is showing your story instead of telling it.
And forever after, once you’ve learned to Un-pack your characters, you’ll hate the lazy writer who settles for: “Jim sat beside the telephone, wondering why Amanda didn’t call.”
Please. For now, hate me all you want, but don’t use thought verbs. After Christmas, go crazy, but I’d bet money you won’t.
(…)
For this month’s homework, pick through your writing and circle every “thought” verb. Then, find some way to eliminate it. Kill it by Un-packing it.
Then, pick through some published fiction and do the same thing. Be ruthless.
“Marty imagined fish, jumping in the moonlight…”
“Nancy recalled the way the wine tasted…”
“Larry knew he was a dead man…”
Find them. After that, find a way to re-write them. Make them stronger.
“
English at Shrewsbury
Twelve Years a Slave (oops, we mean Stage)
Twelve years is (almost) the length of time the school has been open (2003 – 2015) and the time Ms. Wallace and I have been working in the school. She was very young when we first met, and now….*
Our first production was “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”, not a particularly ambitious choice as far as school productions go, but we ambitiously chose to stage it in the garden by the river, not realising we’d be in competition with speakers from passing tourist boats, the noise from the construction of the Chatrium building, and the rain, which insisted on arriving mid-performance, even though it was December and the rainy season should have been long gone.
Since then there have been more plays, exhibitions, magazines than we can even count, and more highlights than we could ever mention. They are all now on show, in one way or another, in the exhibition called ‘Twelve Years a Stage’, currently in the space in front of the library: thirteen computers showing past productions, a slide show of the best pictures, from Mark and Art as Oberon and Puck, to Deryn and Grace as Top Girls Marlene and Joyce, and posters from productions going way back, the best designed by Khun Peh.
We chose the photo of Yash, Simon, Ben and Jamie as the title poster (from ‘Master Harold and the Boys’) to show a less-than-glossy behind the scenes view, students tired from rehearsing, wolfing down Mars bars to regain energy.
Twelve years is a long time. In 2003, Vegas was in Year 1(in Ms. Snow’s class), I didn’t wear glasses, and Ms. Wallace spoke in an Irish rather than an American accent. A great deal of creativity has taken place during that time. Thank you to all those who have taken part in all aspects of extra-curricular English during this time, students and staff.
And thank to those who helped in setting up the exhibition: Khun Pornsawan and his team; Khun Mon and the IT team; Khun Peh; Ms. Proctor, James Mulhern, and all in the English Department. Love you dahlings, love your work!
John Grime and Kathy Wallace
*Two sentences have been omitted here at the insistence of Ms. Wallace
See The English Department’s work over the past 12 years outside the library.
An unpublished novel by Harper Lee is to finally see the light of day, 60 years after the US author put it aside to write To Kill a Mockingbird.
Go Set a Watchman, which features the character Scout Finch as an adult, will be released on 14 July.
Lee wrote it in the mid-1950s but put it aside on the advice of her editor.
“I thought it a pretty decent effort.” said Lee, now 88. “I am humbled and amazed that this will now be published after all these years.”
Set in the fictional southern town of Maycomb during the mid-1950s, Go Set a Watchman sees Scout return from New York to visit her father, the lawyer Atticus Finch.
According to the publisher’s announcement: “She is forced to grapple with issues both personal and political as she tries to understand her father’s attitude toward society, and her own feelings about the place where she was born and spent her childhood.”
Lee’s editor persuaded her to rework some of the story’s flashback sequences as a novel in their own right – and that book became To Kill a Mockingbird.
“I was a first-time writer, so I did as I was told,” the author revealed.
The manuscript was discovered last autumn, attached to an original typescript of To Kill a Mockingbird.
“I hadn’t realised it [the original book] had survived, so was surprised and delighted when my dear friend and lawyer Tonja Carter discovered it,” Lee continued.
“After much thought and hesitation, I shared it with a handful of people I trust and was pleased to hear that they considered it worthy of publication.”
Harper Collins plans an initial print run of two million copies.
To Kill a Mockingbird was published in July 1960 and won a Pulitzer Prize. Two years later it was adapted into an Oscar-winning film starring Gregory Peck.
Lee has rarely spoken to the media since the 1960s and is unlikely to do any publicity for her “new” book.
‘Extraordinary gift’
In a statement, Harper Collins’ Jonathan Burnham called Go Set a Watchman “a remarkable literary event” whose “discovery is an extraordinary gift to the many readers and fans of To Kill a Mockingbird”.
He said: “Reading in many ways like a sequel to Harper Lee’s classic novel, it is a compelling and ultimately moving narrative about a father and a daughter’s relationship, and the life of a small Alabama town living through the racial tensions of the 1950s.”
Go Set a Watchman will be published in the UK by William Heinemann, the original UK publisher of To Kill a Mockingbird.
Tom Weldon, of parent company Penguin Random House, said its publication would be “a major event”.
“The story of this first book – both parent to To Kill a Mockingbird and rather wonderfully acting as its sequel – is fascinating,” he continued.
“Millions of fans around the world will have the chance to reacquaint themselves with Scout, her father Atticus and the prejudices and claustrophobia of that small town in Alabama Harper Lee conjures so brilliantly.”
To Kill a Mockingbird – abridged
In the small fictional town of Maycomb in the Depression-ravaged American South, a black man named Tom Robinson is falsely accused of raping a white woman.
A lawyer named Atticus Finch defends Robinson in court. The frenzy stirred up by the case and her father’s quest for justice are seen through the eyes of Finch’s six-year-old daughter Scout. The book explores issues of race, class and the loss of innocence.
“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view… until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” – Atticus Finch to Scout.
“It was times like these when I thought my father, who hated guns and had never been to any wars, was the bravest man who ever lived.” – Scout Finch.
From The BBC
Perrault’s tales, albeit charming, were unsentimental; for they were intended for adults, because no children’s literature existed at the time. His suspense story, BLUEBEARD, reads like a crime thriller, with the bloody knives and curious dead wives, his moral, that women should be less nosy, apparent. Perrault based his fairy tale on two accounts of dark depravity in Brittany, France. The earlier of the two accounts dealt with a savage, 6th century ruler. The second detailed the acts of a nobleman, named Gilles de Rais, who tortured, mutilated, raped and murdered hundreds of innocent children. My book explores the life and crimes of this tragic, historic figure.
The almost barbaric episodes that follow are just a smattering of fairy tales, as we know them today, derived from spoken legends which were based on facts. The morals these stories convey are far more important than the events themselves, the circumstances of which are often forgotten. These cautionary tales, where good conquers evil, the wicked get punished, the righteous live happily ever after, offer hope that one can do something positive about changing oneself and the world.
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
The fairy tale is based on the tragic life of Margarete von Waldeck, a 16th century Bavarian noblewoman. Margarete grew up in Bad Wildungen, where her brother used small children to work his copper mine. Severely deformed because of the physical labor mining required, they were despairingly referred to as dwarfs. The poison apple is also rooted in fact; an old man would offer tainted fruits to the workers, and other children he believed stole from him.
Margarete’s stepmother, despising her, sent the beauty, to the Brussels court to get rid of her. There Prince Philip II of Spain became her steamy lover. His father, the king of Spain, opposing the romance, dispatched Spanish agents to murder Margarete. They surreptitiously poisoned her.
Rapunzel
Rapunzel draws upon an early Christian story. In the third century A.D. a prosperous pagan merchant, living in Asia Minor, so adored his beautiful daughter he forbade her to have suitors. Accordingly he locked her in a tower when he traveled. There is no mention how hair became important, but she converted to Christianity, praying so loudly when the merchant left, her devotions reverberated throughout town. The merchant, informed of her actions, dragged her before the Roman pro-consul who insisted the father behead her or forfeit his fortune if she should refuse to give up her newfound religion. The father decapitated her but was killed by a lightning strike soon after. She became the martyr, Saint Barbara, revered by the Eastern Orthodox Church.
Bluebeard
Perrault wove his story around Conomor the Cursed, the Breton chief who had been forewarned he would be slain by his own son. As soon as one of his wives became pregnant, he murdered her. But Perrault was more fascinated by Gilles de Rais, a wealthy 15th century nobleman, a hero of the Hundred Years’ War, Joan of Arc’s protector on the battlefield. After he left the military he became a notorious serial killer of children. He was given the nickname, Bluebeard, because his horse’s sleek fur looked blue in the daylight. At his shocking trial, he described in detail how he had preyed upon and tortured innocent children. Perrault drew upon these facts to conjure up his own nightmarish character.
Hansel and Gretel
The tale of Hansel and Gretel could have been told to keep children from wandering off. But during the great famine of 1315-1317 A. D. that crushed most of continental Europe and England, disease, mass death, infanticide and cannibalism increased exponentially. Seeking relief, some desperate parents deserted their children and slaughtered their draft animals.
Or Hansel and Gretel might have stumbled upon the home of the successful baker, Katharina Schraderin. In the 1600s, she concocted such a scrumptious ginger bread cookie that a jealous male baker accused her of being a witch. After being driven from town, a posse of angry neighbors hunted her down, brought her back to her home, and burned her to death in her own oven.
Little Jack Horner
This story matches events in the life of Bishop Richard Whiting of Glastonbury and his steward, who was perhaps named Jack Horner. When King Henry VIII broke away from the Catholic Church and dissolved its Monasteries in England, Glastonbury remained the sole religious home in Somerset. Whiting, trying to keep the abbey, bribed the King by offering him twelve Catholic manorial estates. To thwart potential thieves, he hid the deeds to the estates in a pie crust. But the seventy-nine-year-old Bishop, convicted of treason for serving Rome, was drawn, quartered and hung at Glastonbury Tor overlooking the town. His “good” steward absconded with the plum deed to the Manor of Mells, and Horner’s descendants lived there until the 20th century.
The Pied Piper of Hamelin
In 1264, a pied piper had offered to get rid of the numerous rats in the Germanic village of Hamelin, as long as the town elders gave him a considerable amount of money upon the completion of this task. After he disposed of the rats, the elders reneged on their promise. Furious, the piper enticed the children of the village to follow him. They never returned.
Some believe the Piper led the innocents to the Mediterranean to join the Children’s Crusade leaving for the Holy Land. Presumably children would peacefully convert Moslems to Christianity after the Mediterranean rolled back, allowing their safe passage to Jerusalem. The Sea did not oblige, and many children starved to death waiting for the miracle to occur.
Cinderella
That blond, fair-complexioned, but mistreated beauty in Perrault’s tale loosely relates to the history of Rhodopis, a Greek woman, whose name means “rosy-cheeked.” When she was a young girl, she was captured in Thrace, sold into slavery around 500 BC, and taken to Egypt.
Her unusual looks made her a treasured commodity, and her master showered her with gifts, including a pair of golden shoes. These shoes and Rhodopis were noticed by the Pharaoh, Ahmose II. He insisted she become one of his wives. While not his principal, revered partner, born of royal blood, she would still perform ceremonial functions and…mainly be readily available to gratify Ahmose sexually. Did her new found status offer her perpetual happiness? Probably not.
Valerie Ogden is the author of Bluebeard: Brave Warrior. Brutal Psychopath.
Caryl Churchchill’s Top Girls- an abstract, exclusively female play about liberal feminism and England’s political crisis in the late 1970s- I initially thought too ambitious for a cast of predominantly GCSE students. The wet floor signs left standing the following morning, marking the puddles of tears shed during the finale, proved otherwise. An unnervingly mature performance from Deryn Andrews perfectly captured the essence of Marlene, the ball breaking business woman who sold her soul to the devil, or at least Thatcher. Switching from cold hearted drawl to remorseful plea with such ease and accuracy allowed her to give a much more tormented and generally bitchier portrayal of Marlene than Lesley Manville could muster in the BBC’s 1991 production (not quite the same, but still worth a YouTube).
Grace Chatsuwan gave an equally mature performance as Joyce, the mother of Angie (no spoilers). Despite playing a frumpy middle aged woman, (a difficult task for any actor, let alone a usually chirpy fifteen year old) her final argument with Marlene was arguably the most moving scene of all, and rumored to be responsible for at least half of the aforementioned puddles. Her resentment for her sister’s Bentley was particularly resonant for much of the audience.
Thousands of audience members claimed to have forgotten it was a school production in the copious thank you letters which have since flooded the English office. It would be easy and appropriate to praise each and every woman involved, but it wouldn’t make great reading. The ability to call year 13 veterans such as Deena, Steph and Evey into the smallest parts, allowing the young guns to flourish, is testament to the strength and depth of the cast. A final individual mention, however, must go to Grace Carr and her chilling performance as Angie. Equally as far away from her highly intelligent self as Chatsuwan is from Joyce, Carr straddled this difference with ease, giving a truly chilling finale whilst resisting the temptation to make a caricature of Angie, as many a lesser actor would have done.
Regardless of how chilling a performance Grace Carr gave, such eeriness could never have been created without the artistic genius of John Grime, using the lights to wonderfully creepy effect. It is a true tragedy that such a director has since announced his retirement- a crime in fact, stealing theatre of its brightest jewel. This news is perhaps accountable for the other half of the teary puddles. However, with such an obvious passion for theatre having now directed 48 plays, I think his fans need not fear- his half century is imminent.
To all those reading this review wishing they too had witnessed the definitive production of the SHB calendar- good news. Evey Ong’s photos of the dress rehearsal are almost as good as the real thing, and we will happily dig them out from the mountain of thank you letters in the English office under which they are buried.